Missing Chloe

It's been far too long since I've spent some quality time with Chloe. Sure, she's contacted me a few times in the past year or so. But for the most part, I've been busy. Busy getting fat. Busy having a baby and getting unfat. Busy raising the baby, and busy with The Big Move. So, that's left Chloe quite neglected. I've put her off. I've ignored her. And I've given her empty promises of spending some quality time with her later. And now...

I really miss her!

Who is Chloe? you may ask. Only Zoe knows her best. Who she is... Where she comes from... And how important she is to my life...

While I was in college, my roommate, Jen, and I studied the writer WB Yeats in one of our literature courses. Yeats believed in something called "automatic writing." He claimed that he would just go into a trance of sorts and his hands would operate independently from his mind, and that is how his best work was written. The thing about his story that made it memorable to us is that, on his honeymoon, it is said that Yeats' wife practiced automatic writing for him. (Not quite the wedding present we imagined giving our husbands one day, but to each his own...)

There were times when we would put off an assignment until the wee hours of the night, then in the morning we'd reread what we had written and it would actually be quite good, despite the fact that we had been so tired, we didn't remember writing it. We joked that it must have been automatic writing. "I couldn't have written that!" I'd say. "It's too good for three o'clock in the morning. It must have been the work of Chloe." Likewise, when Jen would edit her own work that surprised her in its quality, she would give credit to "Zoe."

And that is how Chloe and Zoe were discovered.

So even now, several years later, we still see the influence of Chloe and Zoe in our lives. When Jen's husband was stationed in Iraq for around a year, we had a Wednesday evening phone date scheduled just so Chloe and Zoe could visit. When I'm driving down the road and a random sentence pops into my mind that I just have to grab a pen and write down, Chloe is the one who put it there. And when I had to write over half of my book in a month because the editor requested to see the "rest of the manuscript" after reading my proposal and there was no "rest of the manuscript" yet, you can bet I called on Chloe's help then! (A.S. if you're reading, disregard that previous sentence... you probably shouldn't know that! :-) ) Similarly, when I stare at a computer screen for hours and fail to construct even a paragraph, Chloe is nowhere to be found.

So, when I say that I miss "Chloe," what I mean is that I miss writing! (Can't you tell - only a writer would write a 500 word essay on how she misses writing!) I miss hearing the keyboard click, click, click. I miss all my imaginary friends who come to life when I write about them. I miss the challenge of organizing my thoughts in creative, yet logical ways. I miss Excel spreadsheets (my preferred method of brainstorming). I miss that little lightbulb that sometimes appears over my head.

I miss Chloe! (Zoe, are you out there? Do I get an amen?)

On a serious note, if you're wondering what sparked this tribute to Chloe, two things prompted my diatribe. First, I had a sentence pop into my head the other day, and I have no idea where it belongs in my future writings, but it would make a great opening line. But alas, I've not had the opportunity to think about it or brainstorm yet, so I'm eagerly anticipating the chance. Then, secondly, I was forwarded the best email from my publisher today from a woman who read Who Has Your Heart?. It was the sweetest message, and it made me remember how much I enjoy and how much I am honored to be able to write for God. He is the real "Chloe" because it is really from Him that all of my thoughts and ideas come. I know this because there are many, many times when I reread something that I wrote and think - Wow, that must have come from God. There is no way I could have had a thought that insightful on my own! (eg. my whole book falls into that category. That so came from God!) He gives me inspiration, motivation, and determination. I know that this season of my life is hectic, but oh how I can't wait to be used by Him again!

So, Chloe, don't give up on me yet! We'll meet again soon...